Thursday, March 15, 2018

Breaking up the Mundane

Blatantly ripped off some website...

1. What did the traffic light say to the car? -- Don’t look! I’m about to change.
2. Why was the little strawberry crying? -- His mom was in a jam.
3. What do you call a nosy pepper? -- Jalapeño business.
4. Why are frogs are so happy? -- They eat whatever bugs them.
5. How do you befriend a squirrel? -- Just act like a nut.
6. Have you heard about the corduroy pillow? -- No? Really? It’s making headlines!
7. Why did the jaguar eat the tightrope walker? -- It was craving a well-balanced meal.
8. What did the big bucket say to the smaller one? -- Lookin’ a little pail there.
9. Why do chicken coups always have two doors? -- With four, they’d be chicken sedans.
10. What did one hat say to the other? -- You stay here. I’ll go on ahead.
11. Why did the lifeguard kick the elephants out of the pool? -- They kept dropping their trunks.
12. What do you call a pony with a cough? -- A little hoarse.
13. What do you do if someone thinks an onion is the only food that can make them cry? -- Throw a coconut at their face.
14. What do you call a man with no arms or legs wading in a pool? -- Bob.
15. What do cows most like to read? -- Cattle-logs.
16. How does a duck buy lipstick? -- She just puts it on her bill.
17.
What do you call a guy with a rubber toe? -- Roberto.
18. What did the cop say to his stomach? -- Stop! I’ve got you under a vest!
19. What do you call a snowman on a hot day? -- Puddle.
20. What do you do with a sick boat? -- Take is to the doc already.
21. What did the rubber band factory worker say when he was fired? -- Oh, snap!
22. What do you do when you see a spaceman? -- Park your car, man.
23. What did one shark say to the other as he ate a clownfish? -- Well this tastes a little funny.
24. What do you do with epileptic lettuce? -- Make a seizure salad.
25. What did the older chimney say to the younger one? -- But you’re way too young to smoke!
26. Who do call when the ocean needs a little cleaning? -- A mermaid, of course.
27. What do you call a bee that’s having a bad hair day? -- Frisbee.
28. Which plant rules the garden? -- The dande-lion.
29. Why did the skeleton hit the party solo? -- He had no body to go with him.
30. What does the cobbler say when a cat wanders into his shop? -- Shoe!
31. Why was the poor guy selling yeast? -- To raise some dough.
32. What’s a firefly’s favorite game? -- Hide-and-glow-seek.
33. Who does a pharaoh talk to when he’s sad? -- His mummy, of course.
34. What do you call a pooch living in Alaska? -- A chilly dog.
35. Why was the sand wet? -- Because the sea weed.
36. How much does a pirate pay for corn? -- A buccaneer.
37. Did you hear about that wedding? -- It was in-tents.
38. How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas? -- He could feel his presents.
39. What do baby kangaroos wear when it’s cold out? -- Jumpsuits.
40. What kind of music to chiropractors listen to? -- Mostly hip-pop.
41. What’s the most famous creature in the ocean? -- The starfish.
42. I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. -- Do not read it!
43. What do ants get when they do all their chores? -- An allow-ants.
44. Why don’t skeletons watch scary movies? -- They just don’t have the guts.
45. What did one egg say to the other? -- Eggs-cuse me, please.
46. What’s so bad about Russian dolls? -- They’re all so full of themselves.
47. Why doesn’t anyone want to shave a crazy sheep? -- Cause it’s a baaaaaaaaaad idea.
48. What do clouds wear under their shorts? -- Thunderpants.
49. What does a farmer say after feeding a stick of dynamite to his steer? -- Abominable! [A-bomb-in-a-bull}
50. Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his treasure? -- Because he was a little shellfish.